Grief is the natural process of adapting to the loss of someone – or something – important to you.
It's important to recognise that everyone experiences grief differently. It can take some time to process and understand what a loss means to you. At times such as these, it is also important to keep in touch with those around you and to reach out for support if you need to.
Unfortunately, most of us aren’t taught how to prepare for, or deal with, the wide range of feelings that can be experienced after a loss. At such a difficult time, it can be helpful to understand the different ways that we grieve, and how best to look after yourself when grieving.
Types of Loss
When we think about loss, the first thing that often comes to mind is the grief associated with the death of a loved one. Particularly when this occurs suddenly, or unexpectedly, bereavement is one of the most profoundly painful events that anyone will be faced with. But even when a bereavement is expected, we often find that nothing prepares us for the complex – and exhausting – range of emotions that follow.
It's important to remember that we can experience grief in response to many types of loss.
Sometimes, this is hard to acknowledge. Because we often associate grief with bereavement/death, people can feel that they don’t have a ‘right’ to grieve, or ask for support, in any other circumstances. In fact, grief can occur after the loss of anything that you value, or you have seen as central to your life.
Experiences and symptoms of grief
We often talk about the ‘stages’ of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sadness, and Acceptance. However, this isn’t always helpful, as not everyone experiences each of these stages, or moves through them one by one.
More often, people feel a range of emotions, and while some find that their mood and reactions fluctuate rapidly, others can feel ‘stuck’ in a particular mood, or way of thinking, for long periods of time. The most important thing to remember is that grief happens in its own time and fashion.
Physical and behavioural symptoms
Grief is not just an emotional process. People who are grieving may also experience the following physical and behavioural symptoms.
Looking after yourself after a loss
Grieving can be physically and emotionally exhausting, to the point of interfering with your ability to cope with the demands of daily life and manage your health and wellbeing. Looking after yourself is vital, even though some days you might really struggle with the energy and motivation to do so.
As much as possible, try to stick to regular routines around diet, exercise, sleep, and social contact.
When to seek help
You can arrange to speak with a counsellor at any stage about your grief. Some of the experiences which might prompt you to seek counselling are:
- You are concerned or distressed by your grief, or your reactions feel unmanageable
- There is no-one that you feel comfortable talking to
- Your reactions are significantly impacting on your daily life and functioning
- You are unable to carry out your normal roles e.g. as a parent or at work
- You are feeling hopeless, despairing or that you can’t go on *
- You are thinking or have thought about self-harm, suicide or harming others *
* If you are experiencing these symptoms, you should seek help immediately
Where can I get help
- Visit Griefline or call 1300 845 745 (8am to 8pm, 7 days)
- Visit Grief Australia - Grief and Bereavement
- Victoria Police 24/7 Wellbeing Services (for current and former Victoria Police employees) 1300 090 995
- Victoria Police Chaplaincy (for current and former employees) - through the Wellbeing Services, Chaplains are available for visits to hospitals, homes, workplaces or other preferred meeting places in times of grief, loss and/or bereavement. Call 1300 090 995
- Acacia Connection Employee Assistance Program (EAP) 1300 364 273
- Contact your local GP or health service
More information and resources
Updated