How to help someone at risk

People experiencing mental ill-health will want and need support in different ways. For someone experiencing a mental health issue such as anxiety or depression, a compassionate and patient support system is vital.

As a family member or close friend, you might be the first to notice changes in someone’s mood and behaviours. Your support may be crucial to your friend or loved one’s recovery and will help to reassure them that they’re not alone.

You can become the strong motivator for someone to seek help. Your support may help them to confront their issues and provide a source of strength to assist in their recovery. Find out how as a family member or friend of an emergency service worker you can support them through a traumatic event, either during or after service.

How can I help?

It’s important to remember that it’s not your job to be a counsellor or to diagnose symptoms of mental ill-health. However, by asking how someone feels, showing understanding, and offering encouragement and compassion you can provide valuable support.

- 'Are you okay?' is often a good place to start a conversation.
- Mention that you’ve noticed changes in their mood or behaviour, for example, 'you’ve been looking stressed lately' or, 'I've noticed you seem more tired than usual'. Comments like this are likely to be better received than direct references to depression or anxiety.
- Try to avoid saying things like, ‘Cheer up’, ‘I’m sure it’ll pass’, and/or ‘It could be worse’. Comments like this can sound dismissive, minimise the impact of mental ill-health, and can make the person feel more isolated. Try to use statements that let the person know you care, and you are there to support them.
- Think of some new ways to keep in touch. Ask the person their preferred way of communication. Some people might prefer a text message or email, while others like talking on the phone or catching up for a face-to-face chat.
- There will be good and bad days - try not to take this personally; keep checking in.
- Encourage the person to do something that might help increase engagement and connection. Suggest something small, like having coffee, getting out in the garden, or going for a walk together. This is about creating and increased sense of purpose, promoting a positive mindset, and decreasing isolation through staying connected with others.
- Encourage them to see their local General Practitioner (GP) for professional support and a discussion about potential treatment options.
Contact Acacia Connection Employee Assistance Program (EAP) 1300 364 273

A personal perspective

We asked current Victoria Police employee, Mark, about his personal experience with mental health and the advice he would give to family and support people in terms of helping someone in a similar situation.

Question for Mark: Thinking about the time you first became unwell, what would you want your family to know?

Mark: That my brain is injured from trauma that I've been involved in, and my behaviours have changed and will continue to change until I can be treated. I’d want them to know things like…

I may flare up at small matters that may seem insignificant
I become uncomfortable in crowds
I’m susceptible to sudden loud noises
I don’t want to socialise with others
I may not want to do things that I used to love doing
I’m hyper vigilant (For example, on edge; sensitive, overwhelmed, and/or overreactive to noise and sudden changes in my environment; scanning for risk; feel threatened)

A message for my family

Mark: These are some things you can do that will be incredibly helpful to my recovery:

Be patient with me
The best you can do is no unexpected loud noises
Plan activities ahead and be prepared for me not to attend
Set boundaries. Just because I am mentally injured, doesn’t mean I can go on drinking or gambling binges, or yell and scream without any recourse
Expect me to be exhausted from treatment
Expect that I will have good days and then suddenly a bad day and sometimes, very bad days
Sometimes I just have to retreat to the bedroom and shut the day off just to get through it
Just because I have a mental injury, doesn’t mean that I am going to suicide
Have a look at reputable websites like Beyond Blue and SANE

How to talk about suicide

People experiencing a mental health crisis can sometimes think about dying by suicide, also referred to as ‘suicidal ideation’ (SI). Often if someone is having thoughts about ending their life by suicide they don’t necessarily want to die - they want to stop having painful thoughts and feelings, and they need someone to help them.

When asking someone about thoughts of suicide stay calm and let them know you are there to listen and help. These conversations may be distressing and overwhelming for you - remember to look after yourself as well.

When someone is thinking about ending their life, they may show verbal and non-verbal warning signs. Some things to look out for, or that you may notice, include:
- mentioning death, dying or suicide
- offhanded comments or jokes about death, dying and/or suicide
- talking about not seeing a reason for living, feeling helpless and hopeless, or that things feel pointless, i.e. no sense of a future
- being more moody or sad than usual
- withdrawing from others
- putting their affairs in order (i.e. packing away their desk, finishing paperwork, finalising a will)
- risky behaviours (excessive drinking, reckless driving)
- a sudden shift to being very positive after a long period of seeming down
Visit the Black Dog Institute for more information about suicide warning signs and how you can encourage and support someone to get help to work through their issues.
Certain life stressors or circumstances may also increase a person’s risk of suicide. Some of these include:
- recent loss including the death of a loved one, relationship breakdown, estrangement from children, losing a job, a significant financial loss or the death of a pet
- major disappointment like a missed job promotion or failed exam
- major change in circumstances, for example a separation or divorce, retirement, redundancy or children leaving home
- mental or physical illness in the family
- suicide of a family member, friend or public figure
- financial distress or legal problems

When in doubt, ask

Tell the person that you’ve noticed a change in their behaviour and want to know how things are going for them.

Don’t be afraid to ask them, 'Are you thinking about suicide?'

It shows them that you care.
It shows them someone is willing to talk about it and listen to them.

Assess the person’s safety by asking if they’ve thought about how, when and where they are considering suicide. Asking about suicide in detail can decrease the risk because it helps the person feel heard and less alone.

Give them space to talk about what is happening before moving onto the topic of what to do next.

What do I say? What do I do?

Conversations Matter is a great online resource that talks you through how to ask someone if they are thinking about suicide, and how to respond if someone tells you they are.

What to do in a crisis

If someone you care about is struggling with suicidal thoughts, a crisis plan can be a helpful tool, giving you a plan to follow if symptoms get worse.
A crisis plan might involve strategies to such as how often you will check in; how to manage and identify changes in mood; a list of contact details of friends, family and health professionals who can help in a crisis; ways to make the home environment safer by identifying potential risks (e.g., access to firearms, knives and/or medications).
It’s a good idea to discuss with the person how you can support them to use the crisis plan and store the plan in a place that’s easy to access.
If you believe the person is at immediate risk of harming themselves:
- listen to what they’re worried about
- check their safety
- don’t leave them alone
- make sure they don’t have access to methods of harming themselves, such as a weapon, drugs, medicines, poison
- if you have a crisis plan in place, follow it
You don’t have to handle this on your own. If you need additional help to support a loved one:
- Call Triple zero (000) if someone’s life is in danger
- Call Lifeline - 13 11 14 (free 24-hour telephone support service)
- Call Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467 (free 24-hour telephone support service)
- Call Acacia Connection Employee Assistance Program (EAP) - 1300 364 273
- Contact their health professional psychologist, social worker or counsellor if they are listed on their crisis plan
Take the person to the emergency department of your local hospital, where health professionals will be able to assess the situation and decide on the best course of action.
Phone your local hospital to connect with mental health triage. They will let you know what to do next. They may make a referral to the local Crisis Assessment and Treatment Team (CATT). The CATT is staffed by psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and nurses and is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
In some parts of Australia, it is called the Psychiatric Emergency Team (PET). They offer an initial phone assessment and will get in touch with other treating professionals if required. They may offer to visit the person at home or organise hospital treatment.
Check in with the person once the crisis has passed and encourage them to seek ongoing professional help. Showing and letting someone know that you care can make a positive impact on their help-seeking and recovery journey.
It can be difficult to see someone you care about in pain and struggling with life. It’s important to remember you don’t have to go through this alone. Surround yourself with a strong network, and make sure you access counselling or other professional support services for yourself if you need it.

Updated 20 December 2024

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